So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
