My hand turned me down
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
