i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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