we have pet lesbian snakes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
