The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
