I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
