The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
