You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
