my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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