I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
