We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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