dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
