why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
wow bdsm is so cute
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