grandma shit on top of the toilet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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