I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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