Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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