I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
