Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
