We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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