Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
