Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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