my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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