I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
