awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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