he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
