Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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