I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
