What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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