Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
