nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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