I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
