That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
