I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
