Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
