First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
