i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
