i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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