Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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