I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
