She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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