alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
