Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
