She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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