does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
