I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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