you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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