She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
