She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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