No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
