her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
