Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
