Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There's even glitter on my cock...
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