So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
