i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize