I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
