i jhust puked up my retainher.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
