Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize