Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
