what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
