Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
