were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He shit in the fireplace
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
