Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
