What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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