This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
