apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
