for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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