dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
