Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
