Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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