ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
