it wasn't lemon gatorade
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
