I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize