the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
