I hate all girls vehemently.
Where is the hickey?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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