alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
