I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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