after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
